Meet Children's Books Author Audrey Vernick

A very fun book.

  

My caricature of Audrey

Author Audrey Vernick is unflinchingly honest and gasp-for-breath funny, in real life and on the page.
When I first met her we were at our literary agent's writer retreat in an idyllic setting near Boston, with a reservoir perfect for kayaking, woodsy paths ideal for writerly contemplation, tables on the patio just right for manuscript  inspiration. And a wide, green lawn that I kept hearing hosts frolicking baby  foxes early in the mornings -- but I never saw them even though one morning I did get up very early to jog. 
This was a lovely backdrop for meeting Audrey and other stellar members of our agent's client list. 
At such events my strategy is to memorize names and analyze people quickly. 
Instantly I pegged Audrey as sort of a sister. 
To me this means she can take endless ribbing (and get even) but she also has a huge heart. She's deep. Compassionate. She plays fair. By now she knows some of my worst faults and insecurities but never uses them against me. 
 
We drove for ice cream one night --

Erin Murphy, literary agent, and Audrey Vernick, literary author

and Audrey's group got lost. (Probably her fault.) We gave up looking for them and drove back to the retreat center, but I remember worrying -- not for their safety, but for us. Audrey's little, but she's a big part of any party.

It was on this trip that I came to know Buffalo, of Publisher’s Weekly starred-reviewed Is Your Buffalo Ready For Kindergarten? 

Buffalo is fabulously illustrated by Daniel Jennewein who injects Audrey's visionary characterization with watercolors and caran d'ache to make a naive 
giant of a kindergartener, a sort of Baby Huey for today's kids.
 
And now the Buffalo book has a sibling! A second book, Teach Your Buffalo To Play Drums, debuted last month.
 

To celebrate, I cornered Audrey and begged her to answer six questions: 

1. Why drums? Why not a French horn? Piccolo? Bassoon? Or my favorite, the harmonica? It’s portable, not too loud -- the only problem is you can’t sing while playing. Does Buffalo sing well? If not, I recommend a harmonica.

Audrey's answer:
I'm still reeling from Baby Huey!

The answer to the buffalo question is embarrassing in that it paints me as kind of random and uncreative. But one day, when I was saying something stupid to my son about teaching his dog to bake, I said, "You know, I should write a whole series--Teach Your Dog to Bake; Teach Your Cat to Surf; Teach Your Buffalo to Play Drums." That last one kind of echoed in my head. And I never thought to look beyond the words I said. Your question makes me wonder why I didn't consider other instruments before committing my buffalo to life in the rhythm section. But drums allowed me to write one of my favorite lines, one that was ultimately cut from the final text:

You know what’s really cool? Your buffalo should walk around with his drum sticks all the time, everywhere he goes, just so everyone knows he’s a drummer.

It must be noted: Harmonicas are awesome, too. Do you know Bruce Springsteen tossed me his harmonica during "Promised Land" in 1984? True story.

2. I know you love to research because you produce awesome books that require a lot of it. Can you tell us about an unexpected discovery that still delights you?

Audrey's answer: 
You ask fun questions, Ruth Barshaw. I think I'm saving my favorite discovery for a book that keeps not getting written by me, but one I really hope to write some day. So let's go with these two tidbits.

Editing the text of SHE LOVED BASEBALL: THE EFFA MANLEY STORY required cutting away some very important scenes. One of my favorites involved Branch Rickey. He's pretty widely regarded as being the man who, by signing Jackie Robinson to play for the Dodgers, integrated the major leagues. But from Effa Manley's point of view, he was more like a thief. This is a scene I regret cutting from SHE LOVED BASEBALL:

But Branch Rickey, the general manager of the Dodgers, wasn’t done yet. He signed five more Negro League players, offering to pay for only one of them, and just a tiny amount at that.

She couldn’t stay quiet any more.

Effa decided to do something about it.

She wrote to Branch Rickey, criticizing the way he took players without paying for them. She asked for a chance to meet with him. Rickey did not respond.

One day she happened to be at Yankee Stadium when Rickey was there. She marched over to him and explained that Negro League contracts were as real as major league contracts. She pointed out that she could take legal action against him. It is said that she made Branch Rickey turn very bright red.

I just love imagining the moment when Effa spotted him. Keep in mind this was the 1940s. She was both African-American and female. And she upbraided the great Branch Rickey right there in front of everyone in Yankee Stadium.

The other discoveries that don't exactly delight me, but make me laugh, have to do with the Acerra Brothers, subject of the forthcoming BROTHERS AT BAT: THE TRUE STORY OF AN AMAZING ALL-BROTHER BASEBALL TEAM. For this book, I interviewed two of the three surviving brothers from the twelve-member team of brothers. And my repeated refrain to their glory-days stories was, "It's a book for CHILDREN!!" The testosterone stories they told! My favorite example of incredibly bad judgment came from Freddie. He was determined to join the Navy during World War II, but despite living blocks from the Atlantic Ocean, he had one tiny problem: he couldn't swim. I can't tell this story without my head involuntarily shaking, but this is how he solved the problem: he gave his dogtags to someone else, someone who could swim, and had him take the swimming test. Don't think about it too hard.

 
Yikes!!! 3. What is Buffalo’s favorite martial art? 

Audrey's answer:
Sumo.

 
4. Are you working on another Buffalo book?
 

Audrey's answer:
I have submitted a list of possible titles; it's in my publisher's court right now.

5. How do you think Buffalo and Ben-Ben would get along? (Ben-Ben is Ellie McDoodle's hyper little brother)
 

Audrey's answer:
Buffalo would adore Ben Ben and be tickled by his energy. I think they would enjoy hilarious hijinks together, and I'd like to see how you'd draw that, ma'am. But I think Buffalo would need to nap after a few hours. I don't think a slumbering Buffalo would slow down Ben-Ben, though. I think he would continue, sometimes hijinksing atop a sleeping buffalo.

I totally agree. 

6. What’s the question you wish I’d asked? (And what’s the answer?)

Audrey's answer:
What is the derivation of babyhead? (A term I use to describe myself and others).

I don't know the answer. I just know it's a term I use, on occasion, to describe myself. And others.

You've called me Babyhead many times. I don't feel any more enlightened than before. :p   

Audrey, if you need to know what it feels like to wrestle in a Sumo suit, I can tell you sometime. My nephew rented Sumo suits for his graduation party last month, and of course I suited up to fight. (Don't do this on a very hot day. And try not to be the person who puts on the suit immediately after the kid in the wet bathing suit.) 

As to Bruce Springsteen's harmonica, I am in awe. "Promised Land" is part of why I wanted to learn how to play harmonica. I still can't play it... 

Thanks so much for today's duet. :)

  Audrey's other books:

Water Balloon
Clarion Books
September 5, 2011

Her first novel comes out in just a few weeks!

So You Want To Be a Rock Star
illustrated by Kirstie Edmunds
Walker Books for Young Readers
January 2012

Bark & Tim

by Audrey Glassman Vernick and
Ellen Glassman Gidaro
illustrated by Tim Brown
Overmountain Press, 2003

Indie bound link   

Amazon link  

Barnes & Noble link  

Audrey’s website link  

Please check out the other stops in Audrey's book blog tour: 

Jean Reidy’s blog (6/22) (Buffalo's bucket list!)

Peter Salomon’s blog (6/29) 

Laurie Thompson’s blog (7/13)  

And you'll love Audrey's blog.

Gangoblogging: Chris Barton

You long to experience the world on your own terms. You are smart and brave, but you're a cheat. You have a chance to trade who you are for something better -- for a new life. New thrills. New fear. Do you do it?

If yes, you might be the subject of Chris Barton's new YA nonfiction, Can I See Your I.D.?: True Stories of False Identities.

It's a fascinating read, even if your story isn't in it.

Barton follows ten imposters from history, many of them teens, and he digs into their past and what got them to that point of taking on a false identity, and he doesn't disappoint -- he also tells how they were ultimately found out.

Read this book. You'll be hooked from the first story, where 16-year-old Keron Thomas steals a subway train.
Publishers Weekly agrees:
*Starred Review* [I]mpeccably crafted ... The use of second-person narration is very effective, allowing readers to assume the identities of each individual. Barton's prose captures the daring, ingenuity, and quick thinking required of each imposter.


(Below: sketches from my Gang of Erin retreat sketchbook)

Chris reads from his work in progress in April, 2011.
You're in for a treat: this new book is AWESOME.
And that's about all I can say about it, for now.

I first came to know author Chris Barton many years ago, before either of us had sold any books. 

Hanging out at Texas Library Association conference

Like everyone else, I was charmed by his online persona. 

Random discussion at the retreat

When he signed with his agent, Erin Murphy of Erin Murphy Literary Agency (EMLA), our fate was sealed: we're agency-mates.

rubber-face profile

Intrigue and suspense built. . . I had to meet this guy in person.

Chris tests my patience with a Draw-Off

My chance came three years ago at an EMLA retreat near Boston. I watched him like a hawk -- and I took notes.

Late at night, all inhibitions gone,
Chris dances at the party in the EMLA room

I met him again last month in Austin, at the Texas Library Association conference and EMLA's fifth annual retreat. Again, I took notes:

Chris and Clint Young, EMLA clients

 And then, upon finding out that Can I See Your I.D.? was now out, I begged him to grant a quick interview on my blog:



Me: What were some of the surprises that popped up when you were researching this book?


Chris: One of the biggest surprises was how much in common my individual subjects had with each other, even though they were carrying out their masquerades under vastly different circumstances, for vastly different reasons, even on different continents and in different centuries. I figured I might find a few recurring themes, but the ingredients that go into successfully maintaining a false identity (at least for a while) are unexpectedly universal. Take Ellen Craft and Keron Thomas, for instance. Their stories take place nearly 150 years apart, and she was trying to escape from slavery while he just wanted to prove that he could drive a subway train. But each of them took advantage of the fact that we generally see in other people what's on the surface, and what we expect to see. We don't look at an apparently white Southern gentleman and see a female slave, and we don't look at a guy in a motorman's uniform shirt and see a 16-year-old kid.


There were surprises in my research into the individual stories, too. I discovered that Ferdinand Waldo Demara Jr.'s sister had not died as a teenager, as had been previously reported (and which I wrote about in The Horn Book) -- that had a big effect on my understanding of what motivated him to become a serial impostor. And Forrest Carter, author of the supposed memoir The Education of Little Tree, was exposed as a fraud in The New York Times in 1991 -- but it turns out, the same newspaper had already identified him as racist speechwriter Asa Earl Carter in the mid-1970s, but nobody paid much attention at the time because he didn't yet have a bestseller, and by the 1990s the Times itself seemed to have forgotten.


Me: I'm in the middle of final revisions for my fourth Ellie McDoodle book, at the moment. For me, the process of writing each book has been different each time. Can you share some of your process?


Chris: Oh, Ruth -- I'm so glad it's not just me! The process changes each time for me, too. For my biographies, I used to assemble a timeline of the person's life and then use that to identify the beginning and end of that person's story -- my version of it, anyway. Now, though, I'm more likely to let a theme about that person's life emerge from my reading about them, and then start constructing the timeline.


For my fiction, I used to do a lot more freewriting, starting a story without knowing where it would end, or even whether it was an actual story. Now, though, I more often find myself seeing the whole story before I start to write. I don't know whether that's an improvement, but it's definitely different -- and probably not permanent. I expect my process will keep right on changing, and I'm perfectly fine with that. Discovering different approaches is part of the fun of writing. 


Me: What do you wish someone had told you about this author business, before you had to discover it for yourself?


Chris: I wish someone had told me how many distractions there were from the act of actually writing and how one of the most important jobs an author has is vigilantly safeguarding the time needed to produce the words that will be consumed by readers of my books. If I'd had all these distractions -- especially the ones involving publicity and self-promotion and community-nurturing -- when I started, I'd never have written enough or gotten good enough to get published in the first place!

Me, again: Boy, can I relate.


Check out Chris's new book, CAN I SEE YOUR I.D.? at your local independent bookstore. 
Or at our EMLA agency-mate's store, The Flying Pig.
It's also on Amazon.
Here's his Amazon author page.
And here's his website.


Get to know more about Chris and his fabulous new book at his other blog tour stops:
On Jean Reidy's blog 

On Peter Salomon's blog 

On Penny Blubaugh's blog  

And, coming in June 2011, on Jenny Ziegler's blog.

Digging into the archives

Our kid's cleaning the basement, and she found a notebook from my confusion days of 1999 when I was working with a career coach to try to figure out what I wanted to do with my life.
I'd quit my nice job at MSU to work at home 5 years earlier. Had a two-year-old who was a fearless painter (and hair-cutter). I was doing screen printing art and knew vaguely that it wasn't going to last. Design work was dwindling as desktop publishing became ubiquitous.
Hence the career coach.
It's funny to me how close my current life comes to what I was wishing for -- and couldn't put my finger on -- back then.
The following angsty words are from the 1999 notebook, and I'll put an x in front of those in the list that are true of my career today, 12 years later (that's most of them).
------------------
I want to do fast sketchy art and some writing. Travel. Sketch journal. Publish/create books that matter.
I will somehow, someday, build a studio that works.
I think I know what I want to do (comic strip) but it has taken a year of self-discovery to get here. I need a backup in case the comic fails. Storyboarding?? Research it.
I still have not put all my best abilities/wants/values/etc. together for one career. I want the comic -- but might there be something better out there?
Most potent areas of interest and passion:
x sketchy art
x that makes a difference in the world
   earn $70,000 within 5 years
x art I can do at home
x seen by many
x pen and ink, some color
x some freedom, able to choose own subjects
x editor help/bounce ideas off
x some writing/editing
x fun/funny
x some poetry
x Shel Silverstein-like
x occasional presentations to groups and kids
x travel
   well-known in my area (hmm. Tough to judge. I'm getting there...)
x intelligent art -- witty
x loving art
x peaceful art
x poke fun at people who have power but shouldn't
x creative, lively
x freedom in schedule
x art I can do on the road sometimes
x art I can do ahead and stockpile (to accommodate travel)
x clear deadlines
x No or only occasional freelance stuff
   licensing or merchandising
x learn more
x improve my art
   become a modern day master
x have anonymity when I need it
x able to do my art by myself
x compatible with all lifestyles
x compatible with kids of all ages
x pays well from the start
If I could do ANYTHING, what would it be?
Interests:
drawing/sketching, humor, writing, music, sewing, travel, history, costumes, kids, teaching, harmonica, humor, making presentations, debating, poetry, satire, tennis, skating, pets, family, publishing, book layout-design-typography, brainstorming, protecting kids, creativity, resourcefulness, organizing, library, parks, maps, event planning, being alone, being with people, don't help sell things that hurt, family parties, road trips, sketch journals, acting, chat host, html/websites, computer hardware/tech, embryology.
------------
That was 1999.
In 2002 I entered the Simon & Schuster Margaret K. McElderry Picturebook Contest. I didn't win, but loved it so much I suddenly had a new career in children's books. My first book sold in 2005, to Bloomsbury. That's Ellie McDoodle, and I don't think it's possible to be happier with where I am in 2011.

.

March is Reading Month

In Michigan and other states in the Midwest (and elsewhere?), March is Reading Month. That means most authors I know are hitting the road, taking their presentation to schools and conferences far and wide.

So far this season (Feb-March) Charlie and I have presented at:

Averill Elementary in Lansing

Chelsea Library for a cartooning workshop (through Jerzy Drozd - went fantastic)

See the highlights video here!

Winn Elementary in Winn near Shepherd

Elmhurst Elementary in Lansing

Attwood Elementary in Lansing -- my kids' old school, and how very cool to revisit

Shepherd Elementary

Borland Elementary in Imlay City

Kurtz Elementary in Milford

Smith Road Elementary in Temperance

Country Oaks Elementary in Commerce Township

Sodt Elementary in Monroe

Michigan Reading Association Conference

Grand Rapids, One Book, One City:

Ken-O-Sha School

Harrison Park School

Pooh's Corner bookstore

Grand Rapids Public Library

North Park School

Buchanan Elementary.

Coming up soon:

Kingsley Elementary in Traverse City

Gardens Elementary in Marysville

Garfield Elementary in Port Huron

Crull Elementary in Port Huron

Fair Haven Elementary in Fair Haven

Blue Water Reading Association Conference

Millside Elementary in Algonac

Algonac Elementary in Algonac

Blue Water Young Readers Conference

Our Lady of Victory in Northville

Dibble Elementary in Jackson

Frost Elementary in Jackson

Wainwright Elementary in Lansing

Clare Primary School in Clare

Cromaine Library in Hartland

and

Houston SCBWI Conference.

That sounds like a lot, to me!

I have a new presentation with a story-creation workshop that is getting rave reviews from kids and teachers. It all started in Sparta, last November. Standing in front of a group of three year olds I suddenly realized they could barely hold pencils and thus would not benefit from the normal Pre-K program I did (using letterforms to make doodles).

So we improvised, on the spot.

The program was such a big success with the littlest kids that we tried it with the older kids. Again, great fun. We used it for all of the sessions that day, and again at the next Sparta school (we visited Appleview and Ridgeview), and at the Holt schools (Wilcox and Midway) and in three Indianapolis schools (New Augusta South Elementary, Eagle Creek and Fishback Creek Elementary).

By December we knew exactly what would make a great program for the spring author visit season.

Thank you to the schools, libraries and bookstores who hosted us (and who are bringing us in still).

Mr. Barshaw (the timekeeper and presenter of votes) and I have had a really great time getting to know students, librarians, teachers, media specialists, principals, support staff, families and bookstore people.

And thank you to our fellow writers, to teachers and librarians and booksellers and PTA/O members who have referred us to other schools for events.

More to come -- and pictures! But right now I have an art deadline to meet.

PS -- Want to schedule me for a school visit? There's still time! Not in March, but in spring. :) Visit my website: http://ruthexpress.com

Back from outer space (that's revisions)

After spending many months with the next Ellie McDoodle book I can proudly say that I am done living in a fantasy world and am back to real life for a while. (until my editor's revisions notes arrive... then it's back to not-really-here-ness again).

The next book's about soccer. I learned a LOT about soccer while writing it. (Ellie learns how to properly kick the ball, for one thing)

I learned a lot about life, too -- like, for instance, email still comes even when I am not at the computer to answer it. (1347 in the in-box, right now. I'm starting to think I might not answer them all)

Here's a page from my rough art/rough writing for the book:

This picture has nothing to do with soccer but everything to do with teamwork. And there's a reason for the crazy hairstyles.

I hope this art will make it into the book. You and I will have to wait til next Spring to know for sure. :)

My life is a clown car

My life lately is a clown car: Distracting, too much crammed into an impossibly small space, entertaining but likely to crash and burn if someone isn't steering carefully.

A competition held by SCBWI (http://scbwi.org) ends this week and I desperately wanted to enter. The prize is hugely enticing. The judge is Tomie dePaola!!! The challenge: Draw the opening scene from HEIDI, a book written in 1872, subsequently replotted into films that etched their directors' visions on my brain. How to update Heidi and make her fun for today's kids?
To really do well I had to start weeks ago -- which I did.
Amid all my crazy deadlines and events in November, I sketched out a few ideas.
Nothing seemed original and fun to me. I did some research. Sketched out a few more ideas.

One of my illustrator friends set the bar *very* high with her entry. I didn't have a shot at the prize, so why bother with an entry? Especially with my clown car life crammed with a zillion deadlines.
It haunted me, though. I finished all the other deadlines (except the Ellie book 4 -- that's more long-term) and yesterday at 7 pm as Charlie and I sat in the warmth of a writers' cafe, getting ready for the drive home, I said to him I wanted to try to enter the contest. Even though it ended at midnight. And the drive home was an hour. And I only had parts of ideas that I liked.

Since I didn't have the supplies necessary to create the art at the cafe, we got into the car and headed home. On the way I was smacked by a flash of an idea.
Charlie turned on the interior ceiling light so I could sketch.I protested -- the bright light was very distracting to drivers, not to mention to Charlie!
But he insisted.
And, amazingly, the sketches turned out pretty well. I'm used to sketching in the car -- I do it on almost every school visit trip we take.
The ride was smoother than it's been, because we splurged on new tires a couple weeks ago (one tire had been egg-shaped; you can imagine the bumpety drawings that produced).
I sketched a few versions of my brain flash -- I was excited because it seemed original and fun (my two rules for bothering to enter).
The only question: Could I possibly get it colored and sent to the contest in time? In fact, might the contest have ended at midnight *yesterday*? My brain is good at playing tricks on me.

We arrived home. I gathered up my piles of papers and books, and raced to my studio. Pulled up the contest website. I still had time! Three hours and 40 minutes!
I scanned in the art and tweaked it. Added the lettering. Tweak, tweak, tweak. Color.
The phone rang. It was my mom. Charlie handed me the phone! Nooo!!! I have to work!!! Balancing the phone on one shoulder, talking to Mom, I colored the art. More tweaks. Scanned the final art into the computer -- Oh, no!!! It's garish!! The subtle art turned garish in my evil scanner! Tweaked it some more. Kept reducing the file size until it fit the contest guidelines, and emailed it to Charlie's computer to see if the garish was gone. It was! Victory dance!!
Mailed it to the judges.
I'm happy with it. If it doesn't win, I'm okay with that too -- I have already seen some uber-fabulous entries by other illustrators. May the best Heidi win!

My wish list for gifts:
- a little booklight to keep in the car, for sketching
- a better scanner
- art supplies!
- a little more confidence, please

Maybe I've "arrived"

If you're an author you should subscribe to Google Alerts, regular notices which tell you who is talking about your work (and, more importantly, whether it's happy talk).

I subscribe, and that is how I found out about a promotional book catalog quote by a well-connected English teacher which starts out, "Greg Heffley and Ellie McDoodle, move over—".

Maybe I should be annoyed.

Ellie doesn't want to move over.

She wants all the sales she can get, and she doesn't want to be edged out by snotty-nosed newcomers.

But there's plenty of room for lots of good books, and maybe strong competition keeps me on my toes.

I'd definitely rather see lots of great books in the Ellie McDoodle format than lots of copycats -- even if it means fewer sales.

Ellie McDoodle won't move over, but she's okay with sharing the limelight.

I can't speak for Greg Heffley, though.

Ellie McDoodle Typography Fun

I should be writing the next book, because I am on a tight deadline. And that's when my most interesting and amusing ideas come -- when I should be doing something else.
Here's the latest: Ellie McDoodle typography personalities. :)
Note: these are done in Arial; some fonts work better than others

Ö-Ö... Ellie likes

. : c :.

...v

Ö-Ö... Ellie surprised

. : c :.

...o

Ö-Ö... Ellie perturbed

. : c :.

...^

Ö-Ö... Ellie vampire

. : c :.

.(W)

Ö-Ö... Ellie questions

. : c :.

...?

Ö-Ö... Ellie yell

. : c :.

..@

Ö-Ö... Ellie nervous

. : c :.

...=

Ö-Ö... Ellie secret

. : c :.

...X

Ö-Ö... Ellie stoic

. : c :.

(---)

Ö-Ö... Ellie kiss

. : c :.

...*

Ö-Ö... Ellie unsure

. : c :.

...~

Ö-Ö... Ellie happy

. : c :.

...U

Ö-Ö... Ellie determined

. : c :.

.mm

Q-Q... Ellie look

. : c :.

...o

Ö-Ö... Ellie snore

. : c :.

...Z

Ö-Ö... Ellie whisper

. : c :.

...'

Ö-Ö... Ellie joking

. : c :.

...Y

Ö-Ö... Ellie singing

. : c :.

...g

Ö-Ö... Ellie forgot

. : c :.

...j

Ö-Ö... Ellie overbite

. : c :.

..iTi

Ö-Ö... Ellie complaining

. : c :.

...Q

Ö-Ö...Ellie quiet

. : c :.

...e

Ö-Ö...Ellie upset

. : c :.

...A

Ö-Ö... Ellie waiting

. : c :.

...H

Ö-Ö... Ellie whistling

. : c :.

...%

Ö-Ö... Ellie raspberry

. : c :.

...B

Ö-Ö... Ellie afraid

. : c :.

v^v^v

Ö-Ö... Ellie terrified

. : c :.

MMM

Ö-Ö... Ellie McDoodle

. : c :.

..<>

Opinionated me: Knock off the insecurity

Hey, I'm as insecure as the next artist. I used to be far more insecure than anybody I knew.
My sister-in-law said her husband felt guilty for even being born. Move over, brother-in-law: I did too.
And nobody gave me enough reason to feel otherwise until I turned 40. That's pathetic -- The great Scarecrow might have said: I should've thought of it for you. The Tin Man might have rejoined: I should have felt it in my heart.
But apparently, like Dorothy's return home, this is one of those things one must find alone.

It's still a struggle. I still think I sometimes don't deserve good things. (When my kids were little I used to cry at night because things were so good -- my kids were wonderful and healthy, I had a good job... and I was sure it couldn't last. I cried over what might happen. As my kid would say, that's messed up)

The best way to get rid of the insecurity is to do something you love -- and keep doing it, and do it so well that others notice.
Suddenly you have an excuse to still be alive.

I've done it. My Ellie McDoodle books are a modest success. Thank you, Universe and everyone in it, especially my fans, my agent, the wonderful people at Bloomsbury, handsellers at bookstores, and all the writers and illustrators who nudged, pushed, yanked, prodded, bumped me up along the way. And the teachers who didn't write me off as an insecure mess, which surely I was.

So now I am happy.

But now I get these fellow illustrators and kids' book writers bawling in my ear, "We don't get any respect for what we do! The world despises us! We're not real writers!"
Well, speak for yourself.
At this point in the game I'm calling it artificial insecurity.
If someone's not respecting the hard work and education it took to get to the skill level you're at, then
1) they have an axe to grind (a spouse wishing you'd bring in more money, perhaps?)
2) they are jealous, wishing they could do what you do, better than you
or
3) they are ignorant and in need of a whack on the side of the hea-- no, a little education.

So what's your answer to them?
Here are some responses you may use, free of charge.
- I'm sorry honey that my work in this field didn't pay off yet. Disrespecting my work and my goals isn't going to bring you and me closer together and it's not going to help pay the bills faster.
- I deserve a shot at a career that makes me happy. So do you. This is mine. Find yours.
- Children's books teach our next generation. Don't even suggest that's not a worthy and honorable goal.

But please don't tell me and your fellow creatives that this constant insulting of our industry means the crabbers are right. Because they aren't, and I refuse to be brought down by ignorance.
When you walk around with a "Kick Me" sign on your back, people will gladly kick you. They think you want it, so they're just being helpful -- and besides everyone's got a little bit of a sadistic streak aching to come out in socially-acceptable ways.
Just don't extrapolate your personal insecurity onto everyone else in the profession.

My work pays my bills. Nobody gets hurt from what I do. I'm breaking no laws. I'm not inspiring evil, or even bad manners.
Some schools and libraries treat me very well. From reading my books, some kids are inspired to write and draw and read more, and to sketch in nature. Some adults are inspired to find a new career or create something unusual. That's impressive. You can't tell me kids' book writing and illustration is an inferior profession. I just plain don't believe it.

I know you're concerned, now. Just my raising the issue makes you wonder if I am truly at peace with this. Well, I'm developing the ability to reason my way out of insecurity.
For example, to my kid who's weirded out seeing me in my studio in a cami with too wide an armhole and "seeing the whole situation" as she puts it so delicately, I say:
Hey it's your fault. I gave up my body for you. If I'd never had kids I'd still have a nice body, perky and cute. I accept my decision, you should too.

There's no point to insecurity. It doesn't make anyone feel better. So stop it.
Over the rainbow is now, if you let it be.

Opinionated me: Why I'm attending the conference

I just got back from a writer retreat with my critique group. Four days away from family in a city far away. Four days of potentially uninterrupted writing time.

It was a hassle getting ready and coordinating schedules for my family, and of course it doesn't cost the same to live in a Bed & Breakfast as to live at home.
And there's the issue of sharing a room -- Do I snore? Do I snore loudly? Do I snore so loudly as to make me an unpleasant roommate?
And would you tell me if the answer was yes?
I'm always nervous that I'll forget something important at home (last year it was suddenly cold outside. I forgot a sweatshirt).
Plus, with my head in my books, and all my angsty issues that seem to rear their ugly heads in the days before any big event, how much good company can I possibly be?

And -- I was waiting to hear back at any minute from my agent about a novel and an Ellie McDoodle proposal I'd sent her.
The editor was 2 weeks late with novel feedback -- never a good sign.

Two days before the retreat I wasn't even sure what I was going to write about at the retreat. With two projects up in the air, not knowing which was a priority (if either), and a third very vague idea of three sisters and some dark stuff, I didn't know how I was going to make my time at the retreat worth the cost of attending.

Weird thing, it worked out, as things usually do. My husband called the first night with agent news: They're using the Ellie 4 proposal to fulfill a contract's second half-- no more sleepless nights.
I wrote a good first chapter to the novel. (This is I think the 7th try).
I have a future.

So why go to the fall SCBWI-Michigan conference in October? I can't sell Ellie McDoodles to the editors there. I don't need a new agent. What's the point, then?

It's this: The mix of inspiration and information you get from being immersed in the craft with other writers stays with you for months afterward and it often regenerates into motivation.
For me, it *always* does.
I have never left a conference thinking I knew all there was to be known.
Never left without seeing and hearing something new.
Sometimes when I leave the conference I'm in disrepair, broken down, dismayed that I wasn't "discovered."
And then I realize, it's up to me to make the discovery.
I can follow up on tips heard at the conference. I can check out the URLs and the books and software and concepts mentioned.

The conference doesn't exist to pair me up with an editor and marry me off to an agent.
The conference exists to expand my brain -- and it does that every single time. Even if I already knew the speakers, memorized their presentations and had read every book they edited, I still could get something out of the questions my fellow writers and illustrators asked.

There's a dynamic component in the conference that you won't get from reading articles online.

As long as I am able, I will attend writer conferences and retreats -- even if it's expensive, even if it's inconvenient, even if I feel dark and scared and uncreative.
For inspiring and moving me off center, writer events are batting a thousand. I have no reason to think this upcoming Michigan SCBWI Fall Conference won't do the same.
And -- bonus!!! -- I get to see dear friends at the same time.
How much better can life get?